Breakups

A good couple friend of mine ( C and J) who have been together for 10 years and is legally married here in Vancouver have finally called it quits. I am close to both of them and they have both confided in me their problems. Its quite heart wrenching and I can totally understand what they are going through yet i dont' think i can give them any good advice on how to patch things up. The only advice i can give to them is to really really try to listen to the other party. Sometimes it's not important what ones perceives to be the truth because one's perception of the truth is subjective, and mebbe there is no absolute truth anyways. It's quite sad how two people that have been together for 10 years have grown apart so much that there is so much misunderstanding and misconceptions going on. I guess we all take for granted how much we know and understand our partners. What i'm learning from looking at the dynamics between C and J is to really learn to listen, no matter how much you think you know an individual, one needs to put down all their preconceptions and really listen. I for one really need to work on this.

Another thought that came to my mind was ... when is the appropriate time to really call it quits? when one party no longer loves the other in that romantic way? or if they cease to love their partner all together. the answer is easier if the couple was just dating... however what happens if the couple is married.. when they made that oath to stick together till death do you part? isn't there any validity in this. i'm not asking this question becuase i dont' think that C and J didnt' try hard enough but where do we draw the line? If a couple is married if they are miserable being in the marriage is that a good enough reason to break up? and if that is a good enough reason why would any one believe in the concept of a life time commitment or marriage anyways???


Lately i've been thinking about the idea of that mebbe the 'right one' is probably not a sustainable concept. You may have met the right one.. however that 'right one might only be valid for that particular point in your life. For the fortunate few, the concept of the 'right one' could potentially be for a lifetime however for most of us.. the 'right one' is probably only for that duration in time. If we are a looking for the 'right one' that will last a life time many of us will end up getting disappointed mebbe we should just look for the right one at that point in time, and just enjoy the moment.. and appreciate that each day that you have together is a blessing from God. We ourselves have no control in which direction we grow or change so isn't it hard to expect someone else to grow and change in the same direction? hmm.. this is not to say to just throw in the towel when things are not going well but to not take for granted each day we have with this person.

Another lesson i learned from what is happening to C & J is that i take for granted that everyone behaves and acts like me. I mean i guess it's good to have that certain level of empathy and put yourself in the other's person shoes.. however i guess we must also realize that yes if you put yourself in that person's shoes "i would take route A".. however we need to realize that the other person is NOT you... thus that's why the other person would take route B. I'm slowly realizing this now.

When hearing C and J talk about their situation i was immersed in so much sadness that i started getting teary eyed. Both of them are not very emotional, and it's not like they do not have much love for eachother.. but they are just not the emotional type. yes yes i'm such a cry baby......i thought to myself.. imagine building your world with another person, building a life and then to have it all fall apart... the home you had together... the friends you used to hang out with. I once was in a 4 year relationship where i had lived together with my partner.. i remember that leaving her was the hardest thing i ever had to do... and now i look at C and J and hope that they won't have to go through as rough of a time as i did.

But then again i'm a highly sensitive person... a normal person might have the capacity to feel from a 1 to 10.. I on the otherhand have the capacity to feel 1 to 50 thus my highs are very high and my lows are very low.. my only saving grace is that luckily my lows don't last for very long, and most of the time I have able to sustain my highs. :-P If given a choice i would stil prefer to be me.. one to experience the extremes highs and lows because this allows me to 'suck' every ounce out of life... when i see a sunset i don't only see the hues of orange and red... i see the entire spectrum and i can literally 'feel' the colours.... i wouldn't trade this in for anything else in the world! So yes when i get hurt i get really hurt but when i am happy i am really happy. So what that i get hurt.. i can crawl back up just as easily but this time only stronger and wiser. :-) At least my life will never be boring.



Another interesting thing with J is that she is not much of a deep thinker so i asked her if she thinks if there is anything that she thinks she could have done to make it work better she just shrugged it off and said.. 'well that's just the way i am'....it's not like she's mad at C because J is the one that really wants to make the relationship work, but it's very interesting how some people can walk away from a relationship and not have any self reflection on the situation. I'm not going to be a hypocrite and criticize J for not having any self reflective thought on the matter but yet i'm shocked because if it was me.. i would try to process the events of what happened and try to learn from them. I'm not saying that mine is the better approach because i think my approach would trigger more heart wrenching pain however i do think that my approach would provide me with more insight on what i can do to make things better when i do have the opportunity to meet someone new in my life. I guess that is the trade off... with J's approach she will probably be able to bounce back from this breakup easier than someone who is more reflective on their approach. BUT would she learn as much from the experience as i would have? I don't think that there is an easy answer to this as i think the approach that someone takes when faced with an obstacle in life is largely dictated by their personality. I think i'm just a very inquisitive and contemplative person and for me to just shrug things off so trivially, I would think that i would not have dealt with my issues. Where as for other it may be they don't have to take that route and is able to move on easily. Lately i've become more and more aware of situations and things around me,, i feel like every day another 'lightbulb' will go off.. and then i would 'knock myself on the head' and think.. why didn't i think of that earlier...i feel like a little kid who's just had their first trip to the playground... :-) excited about all the things that i am learning.

The Beauty of Nature

It was damn cold here... i was soaked to the bone as it was raining heavily. A close friend of mine recently paid me a visit from Sg so i'd thought i would do a short photo trip with her to Oregon. The below photo is one of the many numerous waterfalls from the Columbia Gorge Valley. Unfortunatley we were plagued by heavy rain so we had to 'condomized' our Camera gear. ( A.K.A. Ziplocked bagged our cameras and lenses) equipped with umbrellas and tripods we braved the cold damp weather and hiked up to these scenic areas just to catch that perfect photo. Unfortunatley the photo here doesn't do it justice. I could literally spend an entire month here venturing on the different trails photographing all the amazing scenery. Sometimes i feel so fortunate that i have been blessed with many opportunities to travel so extensively to do my photography :-) ...