It's been four days and six hours since we've last talked or communicated via e-mail or sms. Not a single minute goes by without me thinking about what you are doing or how you are, or did you get enough sleep how is your work coming along..... There are so many things that i want to tell you.. about what i did today.. or what is on my mind. I guess during those 6 months... you have become such an integral part of my life that now not being able to contact you to give you this space to figure out what you want for yourself... it's taking some time to get used to.

When you think about it we've talked on the phone as if we were in the same city and i guess for me distance never was an issue. For me you are constantly in my mind and heart. Just the thought that you are in my life and that you loved me made me feel special.. so special that i have a smile on my face whenever i think about you.

I don't know what our outcome will be on whether or not you will come back , however i guess i will need to move on and accept the fact that whatever you decide or choose no matter how painful it will be.. because i love you so much i will need to accept what you would want.

I've learned a lot during the past 6 months.. Sorta like a child going into adolescence experiencing a growth spurt.

By having you in my life made me feel complete.. that there is you out there for me.... that someone is interested in the most mundane things about me... and it was because you loved me.. it was truly a beautiful experience. it's like these two lives becoming so intertwined that no matter what happiness, sadness, concerns, worry you have . you would want to share with the other person. For the first time in my life I really felt loved in the way that i wanted to be loved.. it's like this warm comfy feel that sits in the bottom of your heart.

The other day I thought to myself why am i going through so much at the moment... was it because i lost the concept of potentially having someone special in my life or was it because of you the person. Given that for the most part of my life i have been single and have been quite happy being on my own. I've come to the conclusion that yes it is you... not because of the concept of having a partner but it was you Rachel, you the person, you your heart,, you your soul... !.... I loved you as a package..... so i decided to make a list... this is not a list to intensify my pain of missing you but rather a list to celebrate what we truly had during this wonderful period of my life. so here is the list:

1. your optimism on life and your ability to be reflective in situations.
2. your ability to feel so much emotions,
3. your passion for life and how you want to try and do everything.
4. your enthusiasm to want to learn so many things
5. your kind heartedness
6. your confidence in yourself
7. your loving and caring nature towards me makes me feel like i am the luckiest person in this world because you loved me.
8. your wit and your sense of humour... we always had such a wonderful time whether it be we are talking about serious topics or we are just joking around poking fun of eachother.
9. our love for eachother.. and how we felt so safe and loved when we were together.. that no matter what obstacles we would be facing i would feel invincible.... because you were there to support me.
10 . my confidence and almost this instinctive behaviour to really love you and take care of you. it's like this marathon race.. it's like you are so motivated to do it because you know that you can.. it's like you have this urge to want to show and shower this person with all the love and beauty that you feel and experience.
11. my connection with you...that i can actually sense when you are thinking about me eventhough we are thousands of miles apart.
12. our compatability with eachother... knowing when to give in to the other person and knowing when to hold one's ground.. we never had any rough patches babe...

i feel that our time together ended up so abruptly that there are going to many more moments many more years of this if you are willing....i think we are really good for eachother.. i believe we fit... we were not entirely the same however in the areas in which we had differences we complemented eachother very well. The only thing that caused the problem is the physical distance between us. don't overestimate one's love for another in the absence of not having their physical presence around to give you that hug or to hold your hand when you feel that you need someone around. i know that being physically apart from eachother was not easy on you. Looking back i guess i should have never said taht i wasn't willing to move to Singapore because at the beginning of our relationship that was how i felt at that point in time... through what we went through.. i'm learning to be more flexible... and that there are many things that are not set in stone.