This is the night.

This is the night... the night that it has become official and that the reality that i have been wanting to avoid is finally here. My ex g/f that i really loved like i never loved before has chosen to be with someone else. I finally got her to verbally admit to it. It really hurts like hell.. but no matter how hard it was for me to hear her say that i knew that i had to hear this. This has happened so quickly that I feel that a sword has just cut me in half when i wasn't looking..

I totally didn't see this coming. Would things have been easier if i was better prepared ? I'm not sure. it has only been a month since she gave me the news that she was attracted to this person.. back then i was so confident that her love for me would be strong enough to overcome her attraction to this other person.. the past month seems like it has been a very bad dream... is love such a fleeting feeling? how could something so concrete and solid ( well at least in my mind it felt concrete and solid) could disintegrate so quickly right in front of my eyes.. the tone in her voice, our conversations seem to be more and more distant..and it's just happening right in front of me.. i feel like i am watching a movie whereby i am the main character however my hands and legs are tied up thus preventing me to do anything while i watch her slip away.

I feel so helpless and so out of control it seems like there is nothing i can do to prevent this from happening. If i pursue her she is just going to run away if i distance myself from her she will only forget about me in time and her attraction to this other woman will build up as she can be physically present there. the only ammunition I have is our precious moments and memories together.. i hope taht she just doesn't sweep them under the rug and just forget about all the happy times that we had.

Is love really that cheap? doesn't saying the words ' I love you' have any permanence to it.. or does it simply fade once the person closes their mouth? or what does it really mean... saying the words ' i love you so much'... i guess it has different meanings for everyone.. I just wished people would be more responsible for what they say as it can be so harmful when people hear these words and really believe them.

Sometimes you can say that you love the person.. but it's just talk... it's really by their actions that you can tell whether the person loves you or not.