The amazing support of friends

Sometimes when something bad happens .. if you look hard enough you can see something positive come out of it. Recently i was dumped by my g/f whom i loved dearly and i can probably say that i never loved someone so much before. Needless to say that when she left i was really devastated as if someone pounced out at me from a dark alley way and totally knocked the wind out of me. It totally hit me by surprise.

Eventhough she is gone.... through this difficult time... i've come to realize how much love I have in my life. The strong support that my friends have shown me is truly a God Send.

My ex g/f from Singapore has contacted me on a regular basis to see how i am doing. Thank god i have her in my life, the loyalty, support and love we have for eachother feels like it's stronger than family itself. I'm so thankful that God allowed for us to maintain our friendship.

Another friend of mine who has the keys to my condo has come over during her lunch hours to help me clean up my place as i don't really have the heart to do anything at the moment. During this difficult time in my life i know i have probably been repeating myself over and over again... but no matter how many times i talk about the same thing.. she never fails to lose her patience with me and have been supportive of me... even crying at times when she saw me hurting so bad.


Another close friend of mine from the East Coast offered to fly out to keep me company.

A friend in SG helped me seek out a fortune teller with my picture to assist in my wild and crazy desperate attempt to find some peace and answers to what exactly happened and to ease this anguish and shock that i am currently experiencing.

My close friend in HK has phoned me a couple of times just to check up on me.. eventhough i probably speak to her maybe once or twice a year... we know that we are always here for eachother at the drop of a hat. Distance is never an issue when the foundations of a solid friendship is laid.

Another friend in the UK (my ex-boss) has text messaged, phoned and wrote me endless e-mails to give me support and strength during this time.

A guy friend whom i had worked with in Calgary earlier this year has also been a pillar for me reminding me how he was earlier this year when a girl broke his heart. He told me how good friends are supposed to be there for eachother and reminded me of how i was there to support and cheer him up, and how that in time... the hurt will go away and then you will be ok again. He wants to be there for me the same way that i was there for him. He reminded me that life is too short to be unhappy, and given that i only have another four more months in Vancouver i should enjoy my remaining time in Vancouver for God knows where my next work contract will be.

There are so many more friends that i must say that i was happily surprised to hear about their concern and support for me.. a lot of these people i rarely talk to on a regular basis but have been in close contact through the years. I guess they saw how happy i was when i met and found Rachel and now they are showing their concern for me. I am always shocked to see in the ways that God works... eventhough Rachel is gone.. God has surrounded me with a large group of friends to let me know how much love i have in my life.

A lesbian couple that i am friends with but are not close to have been also very supportive inviting me over to their place, and trying to get me out of the house to meet more people, hoping for me to get my mind off of Rachel...heh heh... the only downside to me is that i don't get distracted easily so nope.. it ain't going to happen when they try to get me interested in other girls.. i just don't function like that.... for me... it takes time.. i need to process and go through this mourning period or else i will feel that i have a lot of baggage with me and i won't have the heart to be involved with anyone else. it will feel similiar to not thoroughly showering prior to putting on a new set of clothes... i know for me that i will probably move at a snail's pace.. but who cares that's the way i function.... i just can't sweep everything under the rug and pretend that the pain is not there. I am also not going to intensify it in any way.. but accept the fact that i am grieving for something that once was there.. and now is no longer in that state. I am also not going to be hard on myself and push myself to get better.. i am just going to really listen to myself and take it one day at a time.

I guess mourning the loss of someone can be compared to that of contractions when giving birth.. At times you will feel that you are all better.. but then all of a sudden out of the blue you will feel the sadness creeping up on you.. I once explained to a close friend of mine during her breakup that unlike giving birth where the contractions get stronger and stronger. Provided that you really do want to get over someone the contractions will be less frequent over time and the intensity of the contractions will fade. It's only during that time when the contractions completely fade and when there is no longer any pain, can you really go back and reflect on the happy moments you had together. only then will you no longer feel a sense of loss but, rather a celebration of that point in your life. Similiar to a past birthday knowing that that was just a point in your life.. and it was never meant to be a permanent phase in your life.

Getting over someone rapidly or quickly does not reflect on the lack of love you have for them, but rather the determination that you have to really want to move on. On occasions, i tend to think that in order for us to prove how much we loved someone we subconsciously prolong the mourning period just to validate how much we loved someone. Or at other times, being in a state of mourning can prevent us from being hurt again in another relationship, as we feel more safe with the familiar surroundings of mourning for someone.

In reality I think sometimes we tend to underestimate our ability to move on, and we feel disappointed and helpless with ourselves when we feel that our healing process is not as quick as it was originally anticipated.

I thnk the main factor in wanting to really move on is to really be honest with yourself and accept the fact that may be you just subliminally choose to not want to move on.. in fears that the memories of how you felt toward this person will fade away... or that the memories you had with her will be gone.. thus leaving you with nothing and feeling empty. Its basically the fear of letting go of the feelings you had for the person that keeps you wanting to intensify the pain because that is the only way you feel that you can remain close to the person. Sometimes people take many years to get over someone because of this... i'm not saying this is wrong.. because for each individual the mourning process is different. Some of us just might not be ready to let go of the memories or the feelings that we once had, thus it takes a longer time..

But i think the most important thing is to understand that we DO have a choice in really wanting to get over someone.. and i'm not saying to get yourself distracted with someone else but to be fully aware of your situation and not be in denial in the state that you are in. HA HA the way i have analyzed this makes me sound like I am a 'specialist in being dumped'.. when in fact .. the truth is i haven't. I guess i am just the type of person that loves to analyze things, and look at various perspectives. It's like a puzzle taking it apart and slowly analzying each piece... ok ok mebbe i'm obsessive compulsive but at least i'm getting some fun out of it.

Eventhough the the last couple of weeks have been really hard , i must also admit that I am learning alot.. and i feel myself growing tremendously in leaps and bounds. Going back to what i originally wrote in this blog... is that whatever happens to us.. if you look hard enough there will always be something positive coming out of it.. it's just a matter of perspective. You can choose to just focus on the negative aspect however i'm not really sure where that would take you.. so basically the only thing you can take with you is the lessons learned and with these lessons try to become a better and wiser person. Also i guess if you have faith that someone up there is looking after you... it makes a whole lot of difference. Frankly right now i really don't know why God allowed for Rachel to leave me... but i guess at the end of the day it's all in God's plans.. and given that things happen for a reason.. i can only look forward to the future where this pain of missing her will slowly fade and i will eventually get stronger again.